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50 reads on a journal entry I wrote less than 24 hours ago. O.o is that all I have to do to get you people to read my journal, call you retards? :p
My back hurts. Right where I damaged my SI joint last year. I don't know if it's because my body is changing and my belly is growing, or if I managed to tweak it somehow. It scares me, it was really painful and I don't want to relive that. I'd be forced to work through the pain because I can't afford to be on bed rest. I don't know how I got through it last year on all of the meds I was on. I don't want to imagine how bad it would suck to deal with it without medication.
I didn't get decent sleep yesterday. I got a couple of short naps. It sucks because the being tired is starting to catch up with me. I'm sure my 50-60 hour work weeks don't help.
I have so many things to do, and what feels like no time to get it all done. Before I know it, it'll be February, and my life will be completely different.
Both my grandmas pasted before I was even born. It's really hard when you lose family or you wish you knew the family you lost.
02:45 Sep 28 2011 Times Read: 1,107
My body is now experiencing a new joy. It's called round ligament pain. You know when your calf cramps? Well it feels like that, if you stuck a knife in the muscle in the middle of the cramp. Only they're at the lower part of my belly where things are starting to stretch and grow.
It's not fun. It was more scary than painful at first. It ripped me out of a dead sleep yesterday morning. I was so panicked that I woke WC up thinking I might need to go to the hospital. I called my mom (cause I knew she was up and at work at that time). She explained what it was, and it subsided while we were on the phone. The whole area was tender while I was at work yesterday, and then when I got home it happened again. Then again this morning. Luckily tonight it hasn't hit me yet, but we'll see. It's supposed to stop happening after a while. That makes me happy. =)
The munchkin is disrupted by the pain or spasms, whatever is going on. Because she kicks the shit out of me for a while after it happens. It doesn't help the soreness, but it's good to know she's ok in there.
This pregnancy shit is scary. I'm going to have gray hair by the time she pops out. O.o
Ugh, I think I pulled something lugging groceries up the stairs when I came home. I'm sure it doesn't help that I now consume so much dairy that I'm buying milk two gallons at a time.
I need a tooth extracted. I'm totally not looking forward to it. I used to spaz out in the dentist chair even on anxiety meds, I have no idea how it will be with no buffer to relax me. At least novocaine is still acceptable.
When I went to the doctor this week they tested my blood sugar. I have no idea if I was supposed to fast or not, because they didn't mention that. So I ate at like 4 that morning, and I had a granola bar in the waiting room of the docs office. They gave me this sickening sweet drink that spun me up so good, for a little while I thought I might pass out. At the lab they managed to find my one good vein in one poke, but she still blew my vein in the process.
After the docs and the lab, I went grocery shopping, and then to walgreens to pick up my prenatals. I was a little cranky ( ok maybe a lot cranky ) from lack of food, being poked, my back hurting from laying on the exam table for 45 minutes, and feeling crappy from that sugar drink. Well, the pharmacy tried to give me the wrong pills again (after I had been in there the day before telling them not to substitute out my pills anymore because I was tired of puking my brains out). I got mad and threw my pills back into their little drive thru window, along with a sample pack of what they were supposed to be and told them to fix it. I told them I wasn't wasting any more money on vitamins that don't stay down. The pharmacist came over and personally apologized, and said she'd fix it. I think I scared the shit out of that little pharm tech girl. Poor thing. Just a bad day to tick me off I guess.
My blood sugar came back 'slightly' high, whatever that means. So they want me to take a 3 hour test next. My sister said she had that one, and that they draw blood every 30 minutes. I don't know how they're going to accomplish that with only one vein they can hit, and their inability to keep it in tact. I can only imagine how bitchy I'll be after that test. I'd better make sure to take that day, and the next one off just in case. O.o
You have a fabulous excuse to make all the butt music you want in public though! Point at your belly, smile, and let 'er rip! (eat broccoli, beans and cabbage, too! Make it COUNT, baby, make it COUNT!)
And the fact that Hulk Hogan is promoting it makes it even better! I am so going to watch it!
18:23 Sep 20 2011 Times Read: 1,213
So disappointing. The one time there's actually food that doesn't look like shit leftovers at work, and it doesn't stay down. I'm so sick of these crap prenatal pills. I'm going to the pharmacy this morning and having them fix my damn prescription.
At least I'm house broken. I can't stand the thought of puking in a public toilet, so I grab one of our red plastic bio cleanup bags, take a walk to the bathroom and hork directly into that. I think the people at my work find it amusing, but I think it's the more courteous thing to do. One genius at work had the nerve to puke in her office trash can, and just leave it under her desk for someone else to find. Fucking disgusting.
The funny part is, I broke a small blood vessel on my lower eye lid, so now I have a red spot on my face until it heals. The even funnier part is, I was so wrapped up in looking at the red spot, that I didn't notice all of the polka dots on my upper eye lids, and right below my eyebrows from all of the capillaries that also burst. Hooray for pills making me violently ill. =/
Just a few more days. I'm really excited, and really nervous at the same time. Part of me is afraid that I'll go in and be told that something is horribly wrong. It can happen, I've seen it before.
I went with one of my friends to her appointment, only for her to be told there was a defect, and her only choices were to terminate the pregnancy or carry the baby to term and watch it die within a few hours of being born. She chose termination. I was in the delivery room with her for that. I don't know if I could be strong enough to make that choice if I had to.
We'll just have to wait and see what life has in store for us I guess. I hope my gremlin is doing well. I could have swore I felt it kick me last night. I don't know how I feel about being kicked from the inside. It's an odd feeling.
This is the best idea I've had in the last 5 months. Now he doesn't eat it before I can get to it, and my head doesn't spin like a scene from the exorcist when it's all gone.
I started out my day pretty bitchy. I went to clean out the trash from the inside, and trunk of my car only to find antifreeze spilled all over the trunk of my car. Did I mention I found it with my bare hands? After throwing the contents of my trunk away, I came back upstairs and did a surgical scrub on my hands, and then proceeded to cut all of my fingernails off too. I just never got the feeling that I got all of the chemical out from under them, so I felt it best to get rid of them.
I then growled at WC on my way out the door (not his fault, I think I was just feeling shitty from inhaling all of the chemicals), and took my ass to the store. Not just any store mind you. I decided to take my ass to Sam's Club. Little bastard children everywhere! I swear people don't watch their kids these days. I kept running into this family that had 7 kids, all under the age of 12. O.o Time to tie those tubes and snip those nuts don't ya think? You're not supposed to have damned litters of children. And all of their brats except for the 2 in the shopping cart, were running around getting in other people's way.
I did my shopping and got the hell out of there. I came back home and started packing shit up. I don't fit into most of my work clothes anymore anyway, I might as well box them up. Well, they fit, but they're uncomfortable so I should just stop wearing them. As I was digging moving boxes out of the storage closet, I noticed I have significantly fewer boxes than the last time I purchased some. Then I remembered where they went. Oh, yeah. Never going to see those again. I'll just go buy more on my day off. I must have tired myself out packing and moving boxes. I remember laying down because my back hurt, and then WC waking me up 2 hours later. Oops
Oh my - At least the day got better later on...the blip about Sam's Club made me laugh.
15:02 Sep 17 2011 Times Read: 1,286
I took a week off of VR just because. I'm hardly here enough for anyone to have noticed my absence, and the time I do spend here is so obscure that I rarely see anyone on anyway.
Hopefully things at my job will change soon. I've been in an obvious funk there lately. I've hated my new position so far. I just need to make the best of the bullshit I've been handed. I still haven't decided what to do when the baby comes. Either I come back to a job that pays much less, and gives me more time to spend with my kiddo, or I keep working crazy hours and give up time with the munchkin for financial stability. How do you choose between things like those? =( I feel like either way I'm fucked.
I have apparently offended one of the gremlins grandparents by referring to it as 'demon seed' a couple of times on facebook. We obviously don't possess the same sense of humor, nor the same understanding of the personalities which have spawned the gremlin. Oh well, it is what it is.
When thundercat lays across my stomach and purrs, I wonder if the munchkin can hear it or feel it. I do hope they get along. I ♥ them both so much.
I get to find out if it's a girl or boy later this week. It will be nice to stop referring to it as 'it'. I have to create a guest list for the first shower (which is unfortunately next month), and register. I have a bunch of housework to do today, and grocery shopping. Plus I need to start packing. They're raising the rent where I am, and they tried to bully me in to signing a lease at a higher rate. I basically told them to go fuck themselves. I'm too hormonal to be pushed around right now. I'd much rather have a small house at this point, then live in a shitty apartment complex. Hell, even a condo would be better. I don't know how people can stand apartments. It makes me nuts to live in them.
Alright, enough ranting. Nap time then on with the bitch work.
Pictures of births, illustrations of C-sections, little notes here and there that say as you get late in your pregnancy you may pee yourself, oh yeah and for up to a month after your baby is born you may not only pee yourself, but also crap yourself. O.O
With your body going through such a dramatic and drastic change, I think you need to sit back and REALLY think. Do the whole pro and con thing. You do not want the outcome to be based upon just your feelings at the moment.
It sucks, because it makes me just as hungry, if not more hungry than before I ate (usually anyway). This mornings episode was unprovoked by smell, or tooth brushing. Plus I still have a sick feeling in my stomach. That makes me nervous. I hope this is just an isolated incident, and not some bug I was exposed to at work.
I'm sure I also lost my prenatal pill. I took it when I ate. =/
Hugs - ya that is the worst part when yout know your hungry and can't keep anything down. Feel better PD Hugs
09:46 Sep 05 2011 Times Read: 1,376
I feel so displaced. Everywhere I am, I feel like I don't belong. I don't have very much in common with everyone I'm surrounded with.
I've spent so much of my time doing what I need to, that I no longer have a clue what it is I actually want. I don't see this pattern changing anytime soon.
I'm not sure that I even know who I am.
I do know that I'm once again suppressing the desire to just start throwing everything away.
Maybe you do need a change. I've been going through those feelings myself, so I get where you are coming from.
If only there was a sign that said "Start self discovery here"... it would be a lot easier. :o|
20:54 Sep 04 2011 Times Read: 1,380
The thing about waking up several times throughout the night, is that my dreams shift and change on me. It gets either kind of weird or really interesting, maybe both.
I started out dreaming that I was a work for a meeting, and towards the end of it my boss started yelling at me. Her yelling for some reason upset me, so I left and went to the GM's office to hang out there instead. My boss had apparently turned into a crazy bitch because she followed me there and began to yell at and belittle me in front of the GM as well.
I woke up, got comfortable and went back to sleep.
This time I dreamed that I was working in a doctors office. I thought the doctor was going to do an ultra sound on me during my first day, but he whipped out a laser instead. I had all of these huge hideous stretch marks, and the doctor began zapping them with the laser and making them go away. All I could ask was uh, shouldn't we wait until the baby is born for that? I went back to work, and for some reason I ended up helping this very pregnant girl climb thorough the window to get into the office.
I woke up, got comfortable, and went back to sleep.
This time I dreamed that I was discussing a news article with other people, we were in a beat up old house, almost shack ish. The news we were discussing was how a single mother in China was being talked about as being the first woman ever to give her bastard baby the fathers last name even though she was un married, and it was wrong. I remember looking at the pictures they showed of the woman, and the babies father. The babies name? She named it Ali Lee Baba. O.o (yeah I know, wtf?)
I woke up... shook my arms until they were no longer numb and went back to sleep.
This time I woke up in a house not unlike the last one. Very dingy, very dark. My head was clouded and I couldn't think clearly as I was waking up at first. I realized soon after that I was tied up and laying on the floor, and that I wasn't the only one here that was tied up and laying on the floor. I felt like I had been given a lot of meds because I couldn't think or move properly. I forced myself to concentrate on my surroundings. I rolled over taking a look at the room around me when I noticed the legs in the sink. Several of them. I looked down and realized that everyone in the room had their legs cut off at the knee, and they were just shoved in the sink stump down. Feet sticking up everywhere. Just as the horror of it set in...
I stopped hitting snooze on my phone and said fuck this, I'm getting up.
In my life, I see a recurring theme. All too often... in various aspects of my life.. I get the feeling that if I want something done, I just have to do it my damn self.
Yet there are so many things that I personally want to get done, and I don't have the time. I feel like I've spent (and still spend) so much of my life trying to be too many things for too many people. (This is the part where if I were a different person I would wonder when it's my turn... but my thought process doesn't work that way. I find disappointment in waiting for others to take on the burden. I don't often give people opportunities to disappoint me, though amazingly they still find ways.)
I'm stretched too thin.
I can't do it all myself.
Something has to give, before the compilation of things kills me. I don't want to be everything anymore. I don't know which choice is the right choice. They're both risky for completely opposite reasons. If I choose wrong I'm fucked. But it's not just myself that my poor choices fuck anymore. I have a big responsibility on the way.
It would be nice if I knew which choice is the right choice.
I get so tired of always being the one, the delegate, the person who follows things through. I am starting to mightily resent it. I might replace "I don't want to do everything anymore" with "I don't want to do ANYTHING anymore" if others won't step up and start following through on their own things.
The problem is, when I roll on to my side/stomach in the middle of the night while I'm sleeping... I wake up with both of my arms numb. My books say I'll be uncomfortable long before it hurts the baby. Damn it sure is uncomfortable.
I think I need to cave and buy one of those pregnancy pillows. Maybe that will hold my rolley polley ass in place while I sleep.
COMMENTS
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atyourwindow
11:18 Sep 30 2011
One day at a time :)
Oceanne
17:17 Sep 30 2011
Hope things start looking up for you soon.
Vampirewitch39
23:22 Sep 30 2011
*hugs*
On line baby shower soon?